Tonight has marked yet another night of no sleep. I think I figured it out. With being home all the time without Dee, really makes me miss her like 20 times more. She is my everything. The only person I have in my life that is a constant. I find myself staying up all night while she sleeps. Even though I may be watching a movie, or reading a blog, or bitching on FaceBook about how I cannot sleep, I just soak in her presence. I don't want to fall asleep because I want to be aware that she is there with me. I don't know if that will make sense to any of you. Or if it makes me look... creepy. lol. *sigh*I know its not healthy to not have anyone else to talk to or lean on. Its not at my lack of trying to find a friend. I just don't know where to look. Every time I have made an effort at making friends I end up with my heart on the floor.
I was really excited that someone I used to be friends with accepted my friend request on FaceBook. I met him through an ex of mine. They were roomies and BFF's. Like family. They have had their ups and downs (currently at a down). Now that we have started talking, its kind of hard not to talk about the one person who introduced us. At least right now, because we are in the beginning of getting back in contact, so its a given that said Ex will come up in these conversations. I was so ready to fling my arms wide open and begin this adventure, seeing where our (whatever this is) took us. I was excited, I had images in my head of us hanging out, becoming good friends. Positive ones that support each other and can get back into the groove of life together.
Now I am sad. I am sad because I am beginning to realize how naive my hopes are. It is easy for me to turn to the negative, because it is all I have known. (not with this person, just in general) I am afraid now because of talks of his ex bff, it is naturally making him miss what used to be. What they have always had. I am afraid that if that happens, if they get back in contact, I will be so easily left in the wind again. That would break my heart. So where do I go from here? All I can do is be supportive and honest, and hope the same back. Will this be a friendship?
