One way Street

We live off of a one way street in downtown Seattle. Once in awhile I see someone driving down it full speed the wrong direction. It reminds me a lot about my life.

I seem to always head down the one way streets in the wrong direction. This makes me picture the fork in the road. You know the one I am talking about. The road to the right is the one everyone travels down, and the one on the left is the one less traveled. I used to pride myself on taking the one less traveled, just to prove that I could do it, and come out at the end just fine. Well.... I have been on that road for the last several years, and I still have not come out on the other side. I am lost somewhere in the that awful forest with trees of sorrow, branches of destruction, quick sand, and thorns of lies. How the hell did I get here?

I seem to have lost any and all friends along the way. Mostly because I pushed them away? Maybe... I really am not sure. I now find myself lost, lonely, depressed, and not knowing where to go from here.

I fell asleep about an hour ago. I woke up out of no where, and I cannot seem to fall back asleep. So I am writing this blog.

The trees lining the streets of Seattle tell their stories at night, when they think everyone is asleep and no one is listening. I am listening. They are quite eerie. They creak, crack, spat, and drip. They whisper too. You only hear this at night, like right now. If you werent used to this, you'd think someone was outside creeping around. I am not sure how I feel about these talking trees.

I got a new Kitten. I got the kitten for my 6 year old cat Little Man. Little Man has been sulking about the house. Sad I imagine because he cannot go outside. I have fixed him a little perch against the window so that he can hop on it and lounge. He gets up there and does his hunting chatter whenever he sees a batch of Seagulls or Pidgins. Little Man gets a lot of attention from people passing by. He loves any attention he can get.

My hopes were that the kitten would keep him on his toes and get him playing and running again. I was right! :-) I thought it would take quite some time for the grouchy old man to get used to the kitten, but it only took one day! They play, clean each other, and sleep together. The kitten is only about 7 weeks old. She is very tiny compared to him. She is so well behaved. I think we are going to name her Mookie. Moo for short.

Speaking of the cats, I think I am going to get back to bed with them and Deliliah. Take care!

(Picture: Little Man & Mookie)

Wedding Fail

So today I started to gather ideas for my wedding. My girlfriend (now fiance) proposed to me on our way home from a weekend trip at Seaside Oregon(a few weeks ago). I of course said yes.

I find it hard to be excited. Its complicated. I feel like I was so let down in my last relationship. I was proposed to, planned the wedding, everything, and then got my heart broken.

My family was never supportive of my gay relationship with my ex, so it was hard getting them to be involved with any planning or whatever. Luckily I had my ex's family's support.

I feel like any announcement of my engagement now would be calling wolf. I feel like my family does not take me serious in anything I do. All I want... need, is my family's support and happiness for me.

I don't have a father to walk me down the isle. I don't have a mother to help me plan. I don't have a grandmother to give me the advice I need. I don't have a sister to sniggle with excitement with.

I of course have always wanted the wedding of my dreams, nothing huge and extravagant, I want something simple and elegant. It never bothered me not having parental figures to be there for me. But I expected the family that I do have (sister-grandma) to take me seriously and be excited for me.

With Deliliah and I not being a traditional wedding to begin with, I feel like I have to compromise my traditional wedding values and beliefs as far as the ceremony. Deliliah does not want to have a ceremony, or me in the Cinderella dress.

While I was gathering ideas for my wedding today, I broke down. I broke down because I didnt want to do this alone. I was frusterated I had no one to turn to be excited with. Deliliah is not showing much emotion towards the wedding either. I broke down because I felt like there was no hope of me getting even a little bit of the Wedding ceremony Ive always dreamed of having. I cried because I feel like no one is interested.

One of the most important times in my life and I am feeling utterly alone.

What is the point?

Hair Tonic

So I have recently been having an issue with my scalp being super dry and itchy, my hair has also been impossible to comb even after conditioning. I haven't dyed my hair in over a year.

I researched online to see what would be the best solution for my hair/scalp situation. Tea tree oil kept coming up as a good soother. So I went to Sallys near the Westlake Center. Though online they had some things that may have been an option online, the store had nothing in it.

My wonderful girlfriend had printed out some local salons we could drop in at to inquire about products. We ended up going to Sublime across the street from our apartment in Belltown. The stylist at the desk with a sharp bob cut dyed in bright red, foundation slabbed on like frosting on a cupcake mention a Shampoo and Condition by a company called Bumble and bumble.

The pictures to your upper right are what she suggested and I purchased. It is a soothing Tea Tree oil & Peppermint shampoo with a leave in conditioning spray. Costing my a whopping $42 bucks all together. But I have to say it was the best $42 bucks I have recently spent!

When applying either the shampoo or conditioner my scalp was overwhelmed by this refreshing tingling feeling. Like dipping my head in a bottle of scope. lol. It was so nice.

It has been three days now and my scalp and hair feel amazing. My hair is brushable, my scalp is soothed, scab free, and I am happy.

I definitely recommend this product!

Sleepless in Belltown

I have had no luck being able to sleep the past month. I feel like a drone. A zombie of sorts.

The city at night is earie. I am always intruiged by the city sounds. Big un-marked semi-trucks pulling over and unloading or loading (sometimes both) at 2am. People constantly walking by our window. Then for a long time, no one.

I hear a lot of chatter between people. Things I am sure they do not mean for others to over hear. I sometimes think they are un aware that the window open next to them is indeed an apartment. Others are quite aware of our presence. They stop and say hello sometimes. Mostly to Little Man. Little Man (my cat) has made an array of new friends (most of whom I do not approve of). I have in result had many conversations with him letting him know that talking to strangers is not okay. He just turns his head and prances away as if to say "I'll do what I want".

It is 4am and the city is beginning to wake up. Apartment lights start to flicker on, and shadows stumble about eager to get that first cup of coffee. The road is starting to have more traffic. Cars going from here to there, and there to here. I like to sit and wonder, wonder whether they are coming or going, and from what? Maybe a late night rendevous? Perhaps. I like to wonder.

The rain in Seattle. Magnificent! It has been raining the past few days and I love it! It makes me smile. I love the rain. I especially love when I can smell the rain coming. The fresh muggy scent of the city getting a shower. I look forward to more days like this.

I am thinking of re-arranging my living room. I would like to have my computer set up in front of our windows so that I can look outside at the city as I type. So that I can paint you a description of what I see with my words the best that I can.

I like falling asleep to the sound of the city and everyone in it waking up. I like falling asleep with the sunrise peaking through the tall glassy corporate buildings.

For now I bid you goodmorning.

The years from you to me

Your hair waves once more when I weep. With the blue of your eyes

you lay the table of love: a bed between summer and autumn.

We drink what somebody brewed neither I nor you nor a third; we lap up some empty and last thing.

We watch ourselves in the deep sea's mirrors and faster pass food to the other:

the night is the night, it begins with the morning, beside you it lays me down.

The Julie/Julia Project

I recently watched the movie 'Julie & Julia'. A true story of a woman on the verge of turning 30 who despises her dead end secretary job, who finds comfort of coming home and knowing that if you add an egg to chocolate, and whisk, will thicken. Julie cooked. Julie blogged. Julie garnered a legion of devotees of her wit and charm. Not only can Julie cook, Julie can write. Really well. She is very entertaining. She took on a project, a challenge of taking on Julia Child's cook book, "Mastering the Art of French Cooking". She would cook 536 recipes in 365 days. She blogged it all.

It really quite inspired me. I love to cook. I am a cook. Looking for new fun recipes, to challenge me, to intrigue me. Will I be as brave as Julie Powell to take on Julia Child's cook book? I think not. What shall I do? It seems only fitting to turn to you, if you are out there. Are you?