“Sorrow breaks seasons and reposing hours, Makes the night morning, and the noontide night”
I am feeling restless. My spirit has been ready for change for several seasons now. I have never been able to stay put in one place very long. A gypsy at heart. I honestly believe I have an old soul. I have stayed put for too long. I have yet to find a home I am content in. The last time I was content must have been 2005, when my sister and her daughter moved in with me. While we had our rough times like any family, I can say I was truly content.
People move on, have families, settle down. In my gut I know that will never happen for me (no matter how much I wish it would). I am 27 years old and I have no idea who I am. What I do know is that I belong out in the world traveling. I want to experience cultures. This modern life we live in today is not for me, while yes it is convenient- it is not for me.
What is stopping me? You say I can only hold myself back? That if I really wanted to make it happen, it would? Money. I have a job here in Seattle. I work full-time in Nursing. I have no savings to pull from, and obviously if I go where my soul needs me to, I will have no job. I don't need luxury either.
I would love to have a crappy old truck with canopy on the back to carry my camping gear. Just travel all over the states to different national parks. Be one with nature.
Fear. How do I overcome it? How do I make destiny come true? It doesn't just happen. I can't believe that my destiny is to be some nobody living in some dirty city.
I feel like I am meant to be a healer. A medicine woman. Shaman. Something greater. Where do I go from here? My native american roots are in Florida, with family who..... I have yet to meet.
I feel like the only time I am content is when I am surrounded by family. My grammy. That woman is amazing. My sister and nieces. But, their life is not mine. I have always struggled to figure out what my life is. Where am I supposed to be? Where is my place in this over crowded world? Not here.
I want out. I need out. I want to live off the land. I want to put in an honest days hard work. I want a community, many communities. How do I get there?
Please, I am desperate for answers. I need guidance. I have healing powers that I want developed. I need to overcome this sorrow. For now I have SecondLife.
2005? Isn't that when we dated? ;)
ReplyDeleteThere are plenty of shaman and medicine people in the Seattle area. If that is a path you are meant to go down then there are plenty of people to guide you on that path.
Remember change doesn't happen overnight. I know it sucks. Start with small changes. Go to the library, find books to read. Find inspiration in books. I bet there are a lot of stories out there of people who have gone through similar feelings as you. Maybe you can find out what they did to reach their goals.
ReplyDelete