The Shadow in the background of the Morgue

ARGH.

What is going on with me. Usually I can handle a lot of bs. I just cannot do it anymore. I cant do the work politics, I cant do the work gossip. I find myself shutting people out and pushing them away because I do not have it in me to.......care. Which is pretty ironic if you ask me... Its my job to care after all. It is in my nature.

I am starting to think that maybe 'they' were right when they said that our zodiacs are shifting or have been different all along. If we go by that I would be an Aquarius and not a Pisces. I know in my core I am a Pisces, but what is it that I am battling?! I feel like there is such a negative part of me trying to get out. Someone manipulative, thoughtless, angry, selfish and rageful.

I don't like it... It scares me. I mean this thing inside of me is completely capable of anything, and I mean anything. I have been incredibly insensitive lately, to myself and others. For that I want to apologize to all of you. If you crossed my path and I have been anti-social, angry, defensive, whatever. Idk wtf it is.

So where do we go from here? I am really not sure. I don't want to change. I don't want to be this person, full of negativity, anger and so selfish. I want to find a good medium.

I think a lot of different events pushed me over the edge a bit. Instead of finding a way to say no, and create boundaries I have gone to the extreme of just shutting everyone out and not caring. It seems it is either be hurt or not at all. I have such a huge wall up, I could walk away from just about anyone right now with no sorrow. How could I have let myself get to this point?

Oh man. Just so much shit is going on too. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Crap and a half man!! Crap crap crap.