Like every inch of me is bruised, bruised.

This was posted on PostSecrets website 9.30.12 by anonymous. 

Wednesday September 26th 2012 my divorce was finally finalized with Joe.

Moving on....

Work is driving me fucking bat shit. I seriously may be losing my mind. The image I used on this post was an anonymous secret posted at www.postsecret.com on this Sunday's secrets today. I just had to use it because it is true for me.

Working in Mental health is very emotionally exhausting.  When you pair that up with my crazy inconsistent schedule it gets out of control. I need to figure out how to not absorb the energy and emotions that the individuals around me are radiating. I am by no means anyones therapist, but my residents do not seem to understand that. They come to us for a listening ear, for a shoulder to lean on and person to bark at. They have no one else. I am more than happy to be there for them. It is my job, but what happens now? What happens when it becomes too much? When it triggers my depression. When I become emotionally overloaded...

I have been thinking about starting counseling at SCS. Either that or perhaps finding a support group for those who work in healthcare. Burnout is not good and I would like to avoid that at all costs.

I am fucking tired.

Just this morning a resident cussed the heck out of me. I wasn't even here for 10 minutes before that crap started. He came back later and apologized, which is nice, but damn.

All im sayin'.

My sister and her girls are coming over later this afternoon. I cannot wait to see my little monsters. <3 p="p">

Free me.

“Sorrow breaks seasons and reposing hours, Makes the night morning, and the noontide night”

I am feeling restless. My spirit has been ready for change for several seasons now. I have never been able to stay put in one place very long. A gypsy at heart. I honestly believe I have an old soul. I have stayed put for too long. I have yet to find a home I am content in. The last time I was content must have been 2005, when my sister and her daughter moved in with me. While we had our rough times like any family, I can say I was truly content.

People move on, have families, settle down. In my gut I know that will never happen for me (no matter how much I wish it would). I am 27 years old and I have no idea who I am. What I do know is that I belong out in the world traveling. I want to experience cultures. This modern life we live in today is not for me, while yes it is convenient- it is not for me. 

What is stopping me? You say I can only hold myself back? That if I really wanted to make it happen, it would? Money. I have a job here in Seattle. I work full-time in Nursing. I have no savings to pull from, and obviously if I go where my soul needs me to, I will have no job. I don't need luxury either. 

I would love to have a crappy old truck with canopy on the back to carry my camping gear. Just travel all over the states to different national parks. Be one with nature. 

Fear. How do I overcome it? How do I make destiny come true? It doesn't just happen. I can't believe that my destiny is to be some nobody living in some dirty city. 

I feel like I am meant to be a healer. A medicine woman. Shaman. Something greater. Where do I go from here? My native american roots are in Florida, with family who..... I have yet to meet. 

I feel like the only time I am content is when I am surrounded by family. My grammy. That woman is amazing. My sister and nieces. But, their life is not mine. I have always struggled to figure out what my life is. Where am I supposed to be? Where is my place in this over crowded world? Not here. 

I want out. I need out. I want to live off the land. I want to put in an honest days hard work.  I want a community, many communities. How do I get there?

Please, I am desperate for answers. I need guidance. I have healing powers that I want developed. I need to overcome this sorrow. For now I have SecondLife.

Over a year!

Over a year since I blogged here. I've tried out a few different blogs over the last year. None of them seemed to suit me the way I need, so here I am again. I am sorry I left you hanging. I am a flake like that.

Nothing has really changed over the last year. I am still working full time in the Nursing Department at a boarding home. I am still with my partner. I still live in downtown Seattle.

Things are crazy at work. Our facility lost its boarding home license, and do to that we have had to stop intakes, and even had to re-home several residents. There has been a lot of strain there. We are short staffed, and overworked.

Things at home are... well they just are.

Family all seems to be doing well, though my brother is in jail waiting to be sentenced to a term in prison. I cannot express how much this breaks my heart. But it is what it is.

On happy notes! Fall is arriving. I am SO excited! Fall and winter are my favorite times of year. Ice cold crisp air, bright sunny days, leafs covering the ground. Pumpkin picking, pumpkin eating, eggnog, holiday cheer, warm home cooked meals, white elephant, family gatherings, work parties, gift giving, snow, rain, hot coco & blankets time of year! YAY!

<3 p="p">
Well, that is all for now. I need to get back to work :-)

The Shadow in the background of the Morgue

ARGH.

What is going on with me. Usually I can handle a lot of bs. I just cannot do it anymore. I cant do the work politics, I cant do the work gossip. I find myself shutting people out and pushing them away because I do not have it in me to.......care. Which is pretty ironic if you ask me... Its my job to care after all. It is in my nature.

I am starting to think that maybe 'they' were right when they said that our zodiacs are shifting or have been different all along. If we go by that I would be an Aquarius and not a Pisces. I know in my core I am a Pisces, but what is it that I am battling?! I feel like there is such a negative part of me trying to get out. Someone manipulative, thoughtless, angry, selfish and rageful.

I don't like it... It scares me. I mean this thing inside of me is completely capable of anything, and I mean anything. I have been incredibly insensitive lately, to myself and others. For that I want to apologize to all of you. If you crossed my path and I have been anti-social, angry, defensive, whatever. Idk wtf it is.

So where do we go from here? I am really not sure. I don't want to change. I don't want to be this person, full of negativity, anger and so selfish. I want to find a good medium.

I think a lot of different events pushed me over the edge a bit. Instead of finding a way to say no, and create boundaries I have gone to the extreme of just shutting everyone out and not caring. It seems it is either be hurt or not at all. I have such a huge wall up, I could walk away from just about anyone right now with no sorrow. How could I have let myself get to this point?

Oh man. Just so much shit is going on too. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Crap and a half man!! Crap crap crap.

I leave my Heart on the table for you.

So... What brings me here today? What brings me here any day? The inability to hold anything in any longer. The need to get things off my chest? Perhaps a want to be heard.... Whatever it is... Here I am yet again.

Looking back at my posts, some of them are themed, others are scattered. I think today's post is a bit scattered. Maybe a lot scattered.

Work is going great. I couldn't ask for a better job or better co-workers. They are what I need right now in my life. I hope they feel the same. I am working for the same company I worked for a few years ago. To me it feels like this is where I am supposed to be. It must. After-all, here I am again. :-)

Love is a complicated thing. When it comes to family, friends, or your significant other(s). I was watching something on tv. A woman. In love with two men. Completely heart broken. Torn. Alone. She was lost, and didn't know what to do. Her therapist made a very valid point.... You love your mother and your father don't you? You love both of your children don't you? So why wouldn't you love two men. It is completely possible. For some reason, this put my heart at ease. I am not saying I am in love with two people. At all. I personally think the more love, the better. So hell yeah I am excited at the thought of having another possible soul mate out there. Is that greedy? Most likely... I think the biggest thing to watch out for when you get into a situation like that, is mess! That shit can get messy fast, I am sure of it, and by messy, I mean drama, heart break, MESSY! Do you have two loves? Two soul mates? If you do, I would love to hear about, how it works for you. You can post anonymously, or not :-)

I think this was a small post... I am at work, so I have lost my train of thought about 7 times now. So forgive me :-P.

-Orchid

Theo

I have not updated in quite some time. I have been in a state of ruin. I am sure everyone has been there sometime or another.

I do not blog much, if at all when I am depressed. I do not know why. Lazy perhaps. But alas! I am here! Something must be going right, no?

I found a fabulous job. Well in all fairness, it found me! None the less, it is magnificent. I am working for a non profit organization that helps individuals in a numerous amount of ways. The sector I work in is located in Seattle. I work with a slightly different type of clientele than usual. They are independent with just about everything in their life except when it comes to medication. That is where we come in. We are looking forward to a change within the next year or so to do some total care residents. It will be interesting to see how the staff shifts gears, most of them have not done total care. I think it will be awesome.

I cannot wait for life to get back on status. It has been in the shit hole for far too long. I also cannot wait for my lease to be up at my current apartment. I am ready for a darn upgrade! CAN I GET A HOT TUB?! LOL. sorry I love that commercial.

I have not spoken to any family recently. It makes me quite sad. I try not to think about it though. I just miss how close we all used to be. Us siblings at least.

I have a lot to work on with myself. I am excited to start. A co-worker recommended a Psychic that works out in Alki. I think that is where I will start with my new beginning. I think 26yrs old is a good age to start with this new adventure. I cannot wait to see how the ride goes. Have to wait for the paychecks to roll in first before I go see her though. I am excited.

I think this all for now, I know it is short. Sorry! I will be back!! xoxoxox

It was last night at an empty warehouse party...

I want you to see the tears running down my cheek.

This blog post is dedicated to all of the users/abusers/and oblivious that take advantage of genuinely kind people.

What gets you off? Does this?

We are a kind loving people. We open our arms to you. We are your friends and your family. Our hearts are easily broken, but we are quick to forgive.

We will, without hesitating, put our hearts back on the line for you, even if it means getting our hearts broken again.

Unaware that even we have a breaking point, our hearts can be broken so many times until it shatters... our souls. This is when we shut down. We become distant. Do you even notice? Or are you so quick to push us aside because we are no longer strong enough to be used by you any longer? We build a wall higher then the heavens around our hearts, never to be touched again. This is where we become sad, bitter, and angry. Do you even notice, or do our feelings matter?

You take advantage of our generosity. Don't even think about "liking" this post. Because even you are a user of a vulnerable heart.

So for everyone like me, I say to everyone like you... Fuck You.

Fuck You to all the Mothers, Fathers, Friends, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Children, Acquaintances, Classmates, Spouses, and everyone in between, who do not notice how much you hurt us.

Push us far enough and it will result in a lost soul. Take it how you want.

I am addicted to food.

I have an eating disorder. It is hard to admit. I used to think that people with eating disorders were only those defined by anorexia or bulimia. Skin and bones. It is not true.

Compulsive over eating, Binge eating, Bulimia and Anorexia are all the same. They are all eating disorders (they just show differently). Eating disorders describe conditions where preoccupation (obsession) with food, eating-related behaviors and weight, crowd out major aspects of life.

People who are not well educated on eating disorders assume that one can fix their problem on their own. Even I am guilty of that. Regardless of underlying causes the effects of eating disorders create vicious cycles that make it impossible to stop on your own.

I have tried so many diets. I have tried exercise. I've tried not eating. In the end nothing ever sticks long term. Here are 5 Myths that I stole off of a treatment website in regards to addiction.

Myth #1: A person can quit if they really want to.
Willpower has little to do with addiction. No amount of willpower alone can make an addict change or overcome their behavior. A critical component of the addiction recovery process is recognizing and understanding the underlying pain of addiction. Addicts must be equipped with the appropriate tools to deal with their addictive behavior and unhealthy patterns for successful long-term recovery.

Myth #2: Addicts are weak people.
Addiction is not a character flaw or a weakness – it is a disease. Addicts are powerless over their addiction – understanding this tenet is one of the first steps to addiction recovery. No one chooses to become an addict. Addiction takes a heavy toll on the addict and those who love them. The path to addiction is complicated. Many addicts understand they are hurting themselves and loved ones, but the forces of addiction are overpowering.

Myth #3: Addicts don’t seek treatment until they hit "rock bottom."
Motivation for treatment differs from person to person. Some people recognize they have a problem on their own and choose to seek treatment. Others have friends or family suggest or insist on treatment. Some people seek professional treatment due to successful interventions. Some have to enter treatment centers due to court orders. Anyone who feels they have an addiction or abuse problem should seek treatment. It is not necessary to hit “rock bottom” before seeking professional help.

Myth #4: Addicts don’t want help.
While many addicts do not want to enter treatment initially, most are thankful once treatment is over and they are in recovery. For an addict, their addiction is their best friend – their coping mechanism for all of life’s challenges. They must be taught to understand the destructiveness of their addictive behavior and find new routes to happiness. Overcoming addiction is difficult work, but recovery is achievable and deeply satisfying.

Myth #5: All treatments for addiction are the same.
No single form of treatment works for everyone. Unfortunately, there is no “one size fits all” treatment for addiction. Even people who are addicted to the same substance react differently to various forms of treatment. The most successful treatment centers create individualized programs to suit the specific needs and challenges of each client.

-----------------------------------------------

I think I need help. I really do. I have struggled with my disease for too long. I want and need to get it under control soon. I am tired of my life revolving around food, and when I am going to eat next. I am tired of feeling guilty for eating. I am tired of being embarrassed when I eat.

I guess step one is admitting. I am not sure what step 2 will be.

Sleepless Nights

Tonight has marked yet another night of no sleep. I think I figured it out. With being home all the time without Dee, really makes me miss her like 20 times more. She is my everything. The only person I have in my life that is a constant. I find myself staying up all night while she sleeps. Even though I may be watching a movie, or reading a blog, or bitching on FaceBook about how I cannot sleep, I just soak in her presence. I don't want to fall asleep because I want to be aware that she is there with me. I don't know if that will make sense to any of you. Or if it makes me look... creepy. lol. *sigh*

I know its not healthy to not have anyone else to talk to or lean on. Its not at my lack of trying to find a friend. I just don't know where to look. Every time I have made an effort at making friends I end up with my heart on the floor.

I was really excited that someone I used to be friends with accepted my friend request on FaceBook. I met him through an ex of mine. They were roomies and BFF's. Like family. They have had their ups and downs (currently at a down). Now that we have started talking, its kind of hard not to talk about the one person who introduced us. At least right now, because we are in the beginning of getting back in contact, so its a given that said Ex will come up in these conversations. I was so ready to fling my arms wide open and begin this adventure, seeing where our (whatever this is) took us. I was excited, I had images in my head of us hanging out, becoming good friends. Positive ones that support each other and can get back into the groove of life together.

Now I am sad. I am sad because I am beginning to realize how naive my hopes are. It is easy for me to turn to the negative, because it is all I have known. (not with this person, just in general) I am afraid now because of talks of his ex bff, it is naturally making him miss what used to be. What they have always had. I am afraid that if that happens, if they get back in contact, I will be so easily left in the wind again. That would break my heart. So where do I go from here? All I can do is be supportive and honest, and hope the same back. Will this be a friendship?

Don't be a drag, just be a Queen! Haaay!!

Hello world! I have a confession. I totally ditched this blog for Lj.... But I am back. For now anyway. lol.

I think I started posting in Lj because no one on FB has it. Where as this blog I post on FB. Guess I needed a little break.

So my woman and I are still going strong. Still living in Downtown Seattle. I am done with schooling for now, but plan to go back again in the near future to finish.

Life is starting to get back to normal. Slowly but surely.

I am in desperate need of a couch. Preferably a free one. One that does not stink. Small rips okay because I will be using a slip cover. No one on Craigslist has been helpful in the least. No one wants to deliver it. lol I offer gas money and offer to help put it in their car. But still no. *sigh*

I found an awesome red ikea couch for 100 bucks, and they will deliver, alas i has no monies. Couch = Fail

I really do not have much to post at the moment. Dinner is cooking, wife will be home soon, kitties are playing, and shows will be on soon!

So. For now. I bid you ado.

Its been awhile since I posted. My girlfriend and I are still living in downtown. We in a better apartment though. A new company bought our building and allowed us to move to an apartment of our choice. We picked on on the 3rd floor facing the courtyard instead of the road. Its much quieter.

I am going to school in North Seattle. I was accepted into a nursing program. Its going well.

I am feeling really... un-needed lately. A huge incident happened between my brother and I. I have not talked to him since. I hope he is okay, but I cannot bring myself to call him. He really hurt me. My sister doesn't call me much anymore. She has her girls and husband and work. It keeps her busy. I dont get to talk to her as much as I used to, and I miss it alot. Lately she has been saying stuff like "I am focusing on my family". Im like wth. I am ur family too, and u can't take 2min out of ur week to call me? I mean come on, I never screen her calls. Well HA! Thats because she never calls me. I only call her. She RARELY calls me. It makes me feel like crap.

I just feel like everything I used to live for, or everyone for that matter... has moved on. My sister has her family. My brother is back to his old life. My dad is doing his own thing, we were never close anyway. My Gramma is living her life. I rarely talk to any of them. I feel like I could be gone and no one would miss me. No one misses me now. Its devastating to me, because they are my life. I haven't talked to anyone in weeks. I finally called my sister today.

My girlfriends mom doesn't want me with my girlfriend. She thinks I am holding her back from doing something great with her life. I am not stopping anything. My girlfriend is extremely close with her mother. They are closer together than my girlfriend and I. Closer than I am with any of my family.

It all just makes me feel so unimportant. So unwanted and un-needed. I just want to die.

One way Street

We live off of a one way street in downtown Seattle. Once in awhile I see someone driving down it full speed the wrong direction. It reminds me a lot about my life.

I seem to always head down the one way streets in the wrong direction. This makes me picture the fork in the road. You know the one I am talking about. The road to the right is the one everyone travels down, and the one on the left is the one less traveled. I used to pride myself on taking the one less traveled, just to prove that I could do it, and come out at the end just fine. Well.... I have been on that road for the last several years, and I still have not come out on the other side. I am lost somewhere in the that awful forest with trees of sorrow, branches of destruction, quick sand, and thorns of lies. How the hell did I get here?

I seem to have lost any and all friends along the way. Mostly because I pushed them away? Maybe... I really am not sure. I now find myself lost, lonely, depressed, and not knowing where to go from here.

I fell asleep about an hour ago. I woke up out of no where, and I cannot seem to fall back asleep. So I am writing this blog.

The trees lining the streets of Seattle tell their stories at night, when they think everyone is asleep and no one is listening. I am listening. They are quite eerie. They creak, crack, spat, and drip. They whisper too. You only hear this at night, like right now. If you werent used to this, you'd think someone was outside creeping around. I am not sure how I feel about these talking trees.

I got a new Kitten. I got the kitten for my 6 year old cat Little Man. Little Man has been sulking about the house. Sad I imagine because he cannot go outside. I have fixed him a little perch against the window so that he can hop on it and lounge. He gets up there and does his hunting chatter whenever he sees a batch of Seagulls or Pidgins. Little Man gets a lot of attention from people passing by. He loves any attention he can get.

My hopes were that the kitten would keep him on his toes and get him playing and running again. I was right! :-) I thought it would take quite some time for the grouchy old man to get used to the kitten, but it only took one day! They play, clean each other, and sleep together. The kitten is only about 7 weeks old. She is very tiny compared to him. She is so well behaved. I think we are going to name her Mookie. Moo for short.

Speaking of the cats, I think I am going to get back to bed with them and Deliliah. Take care!

(Picture: Little Man & Mookie)

Wedding Fail

So today I started to gather ideas for my wedding. My girlfriend (now fiance) proposed to me on our way home from a weekend trip at Seaside Oregon(a few weeks ago). I of course said yes.

I find it hard to be excited. Its complicated. I feel like I was so let down in my last relationship. I was proposed to, planned the wedding, everything, and then got my heart broken.

My family was never supportive of my gay relationship with my ex, so it was hard getting them to be involved with any planning or whatever. Luckily I had my ex's family's support.

I feel like any announcement of my engagement now would be calling wolf. I feel like my family does not take me serious in anything I do. All I want... need, is my family's support and happiness for me.

I don't have a father to walk me down the isle. I don't have a mother to help me plan. I don't have a grandmother to give me the advice I need. I don't have a sister to sniggle with excitement with.

I of course have always wanted the wedding of my dreams, nothing huge and extravagant, I want something simple and elegant. It never bothered me not having parental figures to be there for me. But I expected the family that I do have (sister-grandma) to take me seriously and be excited for me.

With Deliliah and I not being a traditional wedding to begin with, I feel like I have to compromise my traditional wedding values and beliefs as far as the ceremony. Deliliah does not want to have a ceremony, or me in the Cinderella dress.

While I was gathering ideas for my wedding today, I broke down. I broke down because I didnt want to do this alone. I was frusterated I had no one to turn to be excited with. Deliliah is not showing much emotion towards the wedding either. I broke down because I felt like there was no hope of me getting even a little bit of the Wedding ceremony Ive always dreamed of having. I cried because I feel like no one is interested.

One of the most important times in my life and I am feeling utterly alone.

What is the point?

Hair Tonic

So I have recently been having an issue with my scalp being super dry and itchy, my hair has also been impossible to comb even after conditioning. I haven't dyed my hair in over a year.

I researched online to see what would be the best solution for my hair/scalp situation. Tea tree oil kept coming up as a good soother. So I went to Sallys near the Westlake Center. Though online they had some things that may have been an option online, the store had nothing in it.

My wonderful girlfriend had printed out some local salons we could drop in at to inquire about products. We ended up going to Sublime across the street from our apartment in Belltown. The stylist at the desk with a sharp bob cut dyed in bright red, foundation slabbed on like frosting on a cupcake mention a Shampoo and Condition by a company called Bumble and bumble.

The pictures to your upper right are what she suggested and I purchased. It is a soothing Tea Tree oil & Peppermint shampoo with a leave in conditioning spray. Costing my a whopping $42 bucks all together. But I have to say it was the best $42 bucks I have recently spent!

When applying either the shampoo or conditioner my scalp was overwhelmed by this refreshing tingling feeling. Like dipping my head in a bottle of scope. lol. It was so nice.

It has been three days now and my scalp and hair feel amazing. My hair is brushable, my scalp is soothed, scab free, and I am happy.

I definitely recommend this product!

Sleepless in Belltown

I have had no luck being able to sleep the past month. I feel like a drone. A zombie of sorts.

The city at night is earie. I am always intruiged by the city sounds. Big un-marked semi-trucks pulling over and unloading or loading (sometimes both) at 2am. People constantly walking by our window. Then for a long time, no one.

I hear a lot of chatter between people. Things I am sure they do not mean for others to over hear. I sometimes think they are un aware that the window open next to them is indeed an apartment. Others are quite aware of our presence. They stop and say hello sometimes. Mostly to Little Man. Little Man (my cat) has made an array of new friends (most of whom I do not approve of). I have in result had many conversations with him letting him know that talking to strangers is not okay. He just turns his head and prances away as if to say "I'll do what I want".

It is 4am and the city is beginning to wake up. Apartment lights start to flicker on, and shadows stumble about eager to get that first cup of coffee. The road is starting to have more traffic. Cars going from here to there, and there to here. I like to sit and wonder, wonder whether they are coming or going, and from what? Maybe a late night rendevous? Perhaps. I like to wonder.

The rain in Seattle. Magnificent! It has been raining the past few days and I love it! It makes me smile. I love the rain. I especially love when I can smell the rain coming. The fresh muggy scent of the city getting a shower. I look forward to more days like this.

I am thinking of re-arranging my living room. I would like to have my computer set up in front of our windows so that I can look outside at the city as I type. So that I can paint you a description of what I see with my words the best that I can.

I like falling asleep to the sound of the city and everyone in it waking up. I like falling asleep with the sunrise peaking through the tall glassy corporate buildings.

For now I bid you goodmorning.

The years from you to me

Your hair waves once more when I weep. With the blue of your eyes

you lay the table of love: a bed between summer and autumn.

We drink what somebody brewed neither I nor you nor a third; we lap up some empty and last thing.

We watch ourselves in the deep sea's mirrors and faster pass food to the other:

the night is the night, it begins with the morning, beside you it lays me down.

The Julie/Julia Project

I recently watched the movie 'Julie & Julia'. A true story of a woman on the verge of turning 30 who despises her dead end secretary job, who finds comfort of coming home and knowing that if you add an egg to chocolate, and whisk, will thicken. Julie cooked. Julie blogged. Julie garnered a legion of devotees of her wit and charm. Not only can Julie cook, Julie can write. Really well. She is very entertaining. She took on a project, a challenge of taking on Julia Child's cook book, "Mastering the Art of French Cooking". She would cook 536 recipes in 365 days. She blogged it all.

It really quite inspired me. I love to cook. I am a cook. Looking for new fun recipes, to challenge me, to intrigue me. Will I be as brave as Julie Powell to take on Julia Child's cook book? I think not. What shall I do? It seems only fitting to turn to you, if you are out there. Are you?

Holy Mother Load of Frustration!

This blog has been postponed for way too long. I have been wanting to blog, and have even had what I wanted to say all planned out in my head, but for what ever reason I just could not bring myself to sit down and write.

I do not even know where to begin with the events that have been going on.

My sister has been going through a lot. I feel like our relationship is diminishing. I of course as always stand by her side and support her. I only hear from her when I call her, or if she needs to vent.

Me again trying to help my brother and get him out of trouble, has now drug me into the situation, and I am now paying the price for his mistake. I do not understand why he feels the need to lie and con.

I got my old job back, but I am only working part-time.

Now here is what I am currently boggled over. I just have no Idea what the fuck to do.

My ex Joe (Joe is a FTM-born female but transitioned to male) and I split up about 2 years ago. Our relationship was coming to an end a bit before I moved out. I moved out when I found out that he was sleeping with his best friend. SMH.

Now Joe is engaged to his best friend (who is female and we will call 'A'). Because Joe has now legally transitioned from FTM he can legally marry his fiance 'A' because he is now considered a straight male (he really identifies as queer), and his fiance is a straight female (well she identifies as gay). They queer world is so complicated, but in the end everyone on the outside will see them as a straight Male/Female couple.

Joe and I still have not dissolved our domestic partnership. Our domestic partnership is under his birth name and sex (female). So now that he has transitioned into a whole new gender, does that void our domestic partnership since "she" no longer exists? Does this make sense to anyone?

Joe can get married to A because Joe is now legally a man, and A is a female. But where does that leave me legally? Do I still need to dissolve this pre-existing partnership with Joe, before I can have one with my current partner? Or is it now void since the person I was legally partnered to legally really no longer exists?

Shit like this would not be so damn complicated if gay's could have the same right to marry as straights. Fuck you.

I have called all over the place and they all give me the bs run around. I don't need a lawyer, there are no assets to divide or anything like that. We are both willingly wanting to dissolve our partnership. What I am concerned about is Joe being able to get married regardless to the domestic partnership we currently have. If he is able to do that he is not going to want to go out of his way to help me dissolve something that does not directly affect him. When my partner and I decide to get our domestic partnership-I am still going to be bound to this person who no longer exists. Because the partnership does not affect Joe in anyway any longer, I am worried that I am going to be stuck in this bullshit predicament.

Independence Day 2010

Happy post 4th of July Seattle!! It's amazing how far we have come in just a year! Last year the host of Lake Union's Family Fourth, One Reel, announced that they would no longer be holding the annual Family Fourth at Gas Works park due to lack of funding. Seattle really pulled together not only a community, but a family and raised the funds necessary to be able to continue this magnificent gathering.

This year was amazing! My girlfriend and I scrambled all over Seattle trying to find the right spot to settle down and watch the fireworks. This is our first year in Seattle for the 4th of July, we had absolutely no clue where to plant our selves. We finally got to a corner on a sidewalk where we could view the Fireworks going off at Lake Union just perfectly. We were surrounded by other Seattlites huddled together in the wind waiting to view the long awaited show. It lasted about 20 minutes and had many amazing, colorful, loud fireworks shaped as smiley faces, boxes, and more.

This year the Family Fourth got the 'Presidents of the United States of America' to perform live at the event. They were amazing! They played a smash of all their greatest hits. They actually had a small mosh pit going on up front. I did not envy the individuals in the front getting smooshed up against the fence that bordered around the stage.

Over all this year was spectacular. It seemed more special this year than any year, because this year Independence Day was not just hosted by one company, but all of Seattle, business owners and individuals alike. So I say Thank you Seattle. Thank you for an amazing year! I sure hope to see you next year!

What was your Independence Day 2010 like this year? Please leave a comment and let me know!

Over the Rainbow

Pride 2010 is tomorrow, and I am sooo stoked. This will only be my second Pride, and my girlfriends 1st! The parade literally walks right past our apartment windows (We are on the 1st floor). I plan on waking up early to get a good curbside seat, where I am sure to get tons of swag!

I have $20 bucks to my name and I plan on spending it at Pride!

I scored a FREE 18"x 13" Pride flag from Love Zone. I found a coupon for it in the Stranger. No purchase necessary! I call that a score! lol

I am excited.. For the first time ever, the Seattle Space Needle is now flying (proudly) the gay pride flag! You can read more about the story HERE.

This is just a short blog, I will be updating tomorrow thought with TONS of pictures!